i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
