im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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