Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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