lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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