My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
