last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
