i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
