so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
