dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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