Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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