maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize