the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
