im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
