No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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