I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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