think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
