i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
