Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
