Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
