i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
