she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Small penises have feelings too.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
