yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
