you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
