what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
