he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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