I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
