when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
