That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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