i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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