Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
