Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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