...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
