Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
