Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
NoShamevember. You game?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
