So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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