P.S. I can't hear my feet
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
