Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
