thus making me awesome and them whores
im holly from the hills drunk
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
