Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
