you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
