Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
