gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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