Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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