I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
