Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
