i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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