if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
