I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
