One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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