I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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