I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
