you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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