Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
