hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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