yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
