On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
