I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He did a backflip because drugs
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