So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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