Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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