Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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