I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
