im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
