she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
