I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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