dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
