my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Let's get the cat blown out
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
