soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize