someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
