Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
