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Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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